


I'll Act Like I Don't Know

by SpinalBaby



Series: Booze, Bad Decisions, and Boyfriends [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bad Decisions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-10 20:05:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpinalBaby/pseuds/SpinalBaby
Summary: Michael stood in front of the door to Jake’s house, stomach churning. He never thought he’d be going to another party… but Jeremy needed him. He’d walked his way over to Jake’s house after drinking a couple of beers to calm his nerves, but it really didn’t seem to do much good. He just felt tipsy and anxious. He knew everyone at the party. It’d be fine. This wouldn’t be anything like last time, he told himself as he opened the door and slipped in, largely unnoticed by anyone.The sequel to How Many Drinks I've Downed.





	1. Chapter 1

Michael stood in front of the door to Jake’s house, stomach churning. He never thought he’d be going to another party… but Jeremy needed him. He’d walked his way over to Jake’s house after drinking a couple of beers to calm his nerves, but it really didn’t seem to do much good. He just felt tipsy and anxious. He knew everyone at the party. It’d be fine. This wouldn’t be anything like last time, he told himself as he opened the door and slipped in, largely unnoticed by anyone.

…

Michael woke up to his alarm, poking his hand out from beneath his blankets and reaching for his phone to swipe snooze. It’d been about a week post-Squip bullshit. Jeremy was back at school, along with everyone else, and things were starting to go back to normal. Michael, unfortunately could not relate. It’d been almost a full year since the incident at the party with Bryce and Amanda. He’d never seen them again, though Bryce texted him twice before he blocked his number for good. Still, somehow it bothered him. Especially since he’d never actually told anyone about it… Not even Jeremy. 

Michael wasn’t completely sure how he’d managed to avoid that one. The day after the party he’d made up some bullshit excuse about how he’d gotten made fun of at the party for being gay and some guy tried to choke him. It wasn’t even a good excuse but Jeremy accepted it and spent the day with him, trying to cheer him up with video games and trying to smoke pot, something he was decidedly bad at. After that was over Michael had just tried his best to ignore that it’d ever happened. It didn’t work that well. He’d still wake up at three in the morning in a panicked state and throw up or cry until morning came. But he did that in private. And as Sophomore year went on it happened less frequently.

Junior year came and things had been going alright for the first week or so until Jeremy got the Squip. Everything went to hell in a handbag after that fateful day. He’d almost thought he was getting over it all on his own- without any help. But that was a lie and he’d come to realize that, especially on Halloween… That night had been a living nightmare for him. He’d barely even made it out of the fire if not for Jake dragging him out, along with a half crisped Rich. He’d honestly considered just staying in the bathroom until he suffocated to death, but that plan had been dashed.

Now things were going back to normal for everyone. Except him. Michael Mell, loner and loser, just like always. He hugged the covers closer around himself, shaking a little. He needed to get up and go to school now. But his body was cold and he felt his breath getting shaky. He was going to cry again. Why?! At this point his state of emotional wreckage was getting frustrating. He couldn’t do anything without somewhere in the back of his mind thinking about what had happened and what might happen if he ever did see Bryce or Amanda again. Worse yet, if anyone found out what had happened, especially Jeremy. He loved Jeremy, he always had. He never wanted Jeremy to look at him with disgust- he knew it would happen if he told Jeremy about the incident, or worse yet his feelings.

Keeping everything bottled up was becoming exhausting though. He couldn’t talk to a counselor at school. He was two years shy of eighteen, they’d tell his parents what happened. He didn’t have any real friends aside from Jeremy. Sure all the popular kids had kind of tried to adopt him into their clique, but Michael never really did that well around people he wasn’t familiar with. They were all like distant acquaintances since high school began. Maybe he’d just stay home today… call in sick, smoke a joint and calm down… Maybe even pick up some weird out of production soft drinks at the mall.

He went with the latter and ended up back at his house with a case of Pepsi Ice Cream- some obscure discontinued Russian flavor and three bottles of Aftershock. He’d never even heard of the stuff, and his hookup had made him swear he’d never tell anyone that he gotten them from him… The stuff was apparently a bad 90s liquor that came in cinnamon, citrus, and some green flavor called thermal bite. It looked like the 90s and it was exactly what Michael needed right now. A drink. 

Once he was sure both of his parents were gone from work- not that they’d even noticed he’d snuck off to go to the mall after saying he was sick- he opened up the glass bottle filled with toxic smelling neon green liquid. Michael considered grabbing a glass to drink it out of, but honestly who was going to care? It was just him, alone in his basement with three bottles of booze and a case of dessert-flavored Pepsi. He tried to chug it. 

Michael coughed up burning green crap all over his carpet, eyes teary- holy shit that burned. What the shit was that? It was probably discontinued after they found out it caused some rare radioactive form of cancer or something. Michael picked up the bottle again, giving it a look of distrust. He took a deep breath and drank more, this time slowly, letting the burning sensation trickle down his throat. It wasn’t as bad a second time around.

It took him about an hour to drink half of the bottle and about two minutes longer to realize he’d made a mistake. He felt like he was losing control again. Not calm, but as if all his senses had been muddled up and he was left with a half functioning body to cope. Michael pushed the bottle away, hardly even noticing as he knocked it over. It had no problem pouring out all over his carpet as he stumbled to his feet in search of his stash. He needed calm right now. But when he opened the tin to find it empty he was past the point of coming back down to calm.

“What the fuck…” Michael leaned on the wall, tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t want to feel like _this_ anymore, why won’t it just _stop_?” Much to his dismay nobody was there to answer his question as he slid down the wall to the floor. Michael brought his knees to his face, crying into them. His body shook with each sob until his tears were dry and he was too tired to move from the spot he sat in.

“Michael? Are you home?” Jeremy’s voice woke him up from his slumped comatose state in the corner of his basement. He didn’t really remember wedging himself between the shelf and the wall, but it felt kind of nice surrounded by structure he could lean on. Oh god, he was still drunk, wasn’t he? It must not have been that long. Oh god, he was still drunk and _Jeremy_ was on his way down the stairs. 

“Shit-“ Michael stood up, his body moving way faster than the world around him, almost immediately making him cling to the wall. When he looked up Jeremy was right there in front of him, looking worried.

“Dude.” He breathed.

“Sup.” Michael said, holding himself up on the wall and giving Jeremy a wave. “Aren’t you supposed to be like, in school or something right now?” Formulating sentences was way too hard right now. He hoped Jeremy didn’t come over for intellectual conversation or math homework help.

“School ended an hour ago Michael. Are you drunk?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought you hated alcohol.”

“Beer. I hate beer.” Michael said, looking over to the now-empty bottle of Aftershock. His eyes widened, “Oh shit- that’s gonna stain so bad.” He tried to move over there, Jeremy standing in the same spot he’d been since he got there and somehow still suddenly in the way. 

“Holy shit, Michael.” Jeremy caught him against his side, barely keeping him from hitting the floor. He’d been too busy staring at the empty bottle of booze and neon green stain in the Michael’s crappy basement carpet. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

“An hour ago…” Michael scrunched up his nose. “Wow I am wasted.” He huffed a laugh. “I am an idiot.”

Jeremy was looking at him. He looked _really_ worried now. He was also still holding Michael halfway up from falling on the floor. Oops. Michael straightened himself out to stand a little, putting a hand against Jeremy’s shoulder-ish to keep steady. Why was Jeremy so fucking tall? He really made a bad support beam.

“Uh, Michael?” Jeremy took Michael's hand off of his chest, looking down at his friend. “Why weren’t you at school today? You didn’t answer any of my texts. And why are you plastered?”

“I don’t even know where my phone is right now, man.” Michael said, fixated on Jeremy’s cold hand still holding tightly onto his. He had no idea how much Michael appreciated that stability right now.

Jeremy tried to lead Michael back to his bed, but they only got as far as the beanbags before Michael needed a break, plopping down, half on the floor, half on a beanbag. Jeremy quickly sat beside him, making sure he hadn’t hurt himself falling onto the ground. He hadn’t. Michael could hardly feel anything right now. He opened his eyes as Jeremy took his salt stained glasses off of his face.

“You’re gonna break these if you-“ Jeremy paused as he turned them over in his hands. “Michael, why were you crying? What’s wrong? I mean- obviously a lot, with the whole Squip thing and-“

“Shhhhhhhhh.” Michael flopped his hand against Jeremy instead of putting a finger on his lips. Jeremy was a lot closer to him than he’d expected. “It’s not about the Squip. I mean, like I’m still mad but you’re an idiot and I forgive you.”

Jeremy laughed a little, “Ouch. But fair. But Michael, what’s up with you? I know I haven’t been around enough lately but… something is wrong, you can’t hide that.”

Michael groaned. He could try to hide it. But Jeremy’s reasoning skills were far superior to his at the moment. He tried to think of something, anything to say to that. He couldn’t, sitting up starting to panic. 

“Michael-!” Jeremy quickly pulled him into a hug, his face squishing against his chest. He was not being low key about this panic, was he? No, he was not, he could feel himself shaking up against Jeremy, his eyes getting wet and face hot.

“I don’t know what’s wrong anymore, like, I should be over this by now and I’m just _not_. Why do I suck so much Jeremy?” Michael cried into his friend, fists clenching Jeremy's cardigan, probably stretching the material. He’d be worried about that later.

“Over what? You don’t suck Micah, what’s wrong?” Jeremy held his friend tightly.

Micah. It’d been long time since he’d heard that childhood nickname. Jeremy only ever brought it out when Michael was a total wreck- oh god. He _was_ a total wreck right now.

“I’m not supposed to be this upset over it- I was just another stupid slutty gay high school boy at a party and I was the idiot and I let my guard down.” Michael rambled.

“Party. What party? Halloween?” Jeremy asked, voice laced with concern.

“Not Halloween. No.” Michael bit his lip. 

“But you haven’t- are you talking about that college party you went to last year? Michael did something happen that night?” Jeremy looked down at him. Michael couldn’t take the staring, burying his face back into the darkness that was Jeremy’s chest.

“Yeah. I thought I’d give a hot guy a blowjob and then he and his girlfriend tried to- uh-“ Michael stumbled over his words. What happened? What happened? Why couldn’t he just _say it_ already? He’d kept the secret this long and it hadn’t done him any good. Why couldn’t he just say it now when it actually mattered.

Jeremy wasn’t saying anything. Michael didn’t want to look up at his face. He didn’t want to know what Jeremy was thinking- what he thought about him right now. He swallowed. 

“Fuck.” His voice cracked. “He tried to choke me and his girlfriend wouldn’t stop touching me and-“ And what? “And he… he fucked me and she was right there still…”

“He-“ Jeremy sounded weird. Michael dared to look up. “He raped you?” Michael flinched at the words, but Jeremy didn’t look disgusted… he looked shocked- upset. Not even directed at Michael. He wasn’t sure what to say next.

“I shouldn’t have drank that much. I could have left earlier if I hadn’t been that drunk.” 

“ _Michael_ ,” Jeremy pushed his friend away from the comfort of his chest, holding him by the shoulders. Michael whined. He just wanted to be close right now. Maybe Jeremy was disgusted with him after all.

“They _raped_ you. Why didn’t you tell me- oh my god… I just thought this whole time- I had no idea. I could have- I don’t know, done something to help… Holy shit, are you okay?” Jeremy looked freaked out.

“I mean, obviously no.” Michael mumbled, a little louder than he’d planned on. “I mean, no. It’s like… fine now. It’s _over_.” 

“Did you tell anyone about what happened? Did you go to the hospital?” 

“No, Jeremy, I did not go to the _hospital_. I drove myself home. And why would I have told anyone, I don’t want to feel any worse than I already do about being an idiot.” Michael looked at Jeremy, somewhat baffled at how stupid his previous questions had been.

“Michael it wasn’t your fault-“ Jeremy didn’t get to finish as Michael pulled all the way away from him, scooting back onto the beanbag.

“I mean obviously it _was_ ,” Michael said. “We were playing Truth or Dare and I completely took the bait and I didn’t stop drinking.”

“They took advantage of you. They knew you were drunk- they wouldn’t have done that if you were sober. They probably _tried_ to get you drunk. That wasn’t your fault. Al-alcohol impairs judgment-“

“You sound like a school counselor.” Michael said, wiping his eyes on his sleeves. “I want to go back to sleep. I don’t want to keep confessing all my darkest secrets to my crush while I’m drunk in my basement having a meltdown.”

“You what?” 

Why was Jeremy staring at him? Hadn’t he made it obvious he wanted to be left alone by now? Just another thing Michael couldn’t do right. He stood up.

“Wait- Michael, no really, what did you say?” Jeremy blinked as the drunken brunette rolled his eyes and made his way back to his bed.

“I said I’m going back to sleep, Jeremy. You can go home now, I’m going to b-e-d.” Michael climbed under the covers, ignoring whatever Jeremy was doing.

“Michael- I am not leaving right now. You- you might throw up in your sleep and choke or something.”

“That’s fine.” Michael mumbled, pulling the covers over his head.

“It’s _not_!”

“I’m sleeping now. Goodnight.” Michael grumbled.

“ _Michael_!”


	2. Chapter 2

Michael woke up after Jeremy, looking at his friend who was scrolling through his phone on Tumblr or something. Jeremy was sitting on ground up against Michael’s bed, looking like he hadn’t got much sleep. Michael took a moment to move, slowly sitting up, causing Jeremy to turn back to look at him.

“Dude.” Jeremy’s voice was too loud for the splitting headache he had at the moment.

“Shhh,” Michael mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“We need to talk, man. You’re not okay.” Jeremy said a bit more quietly.

“You think I don’t know that?” Michael mumbled.

“I- I know you know that. But, maybe you should try to get some help? I mean, I know it’s not that easy but it’s got you really-“

“Jeremy.” Michael stopped his friend mid-sentence. “I do not want to do that. I don’t want anyone at school to know, my parents to know, anybody… Not even you but I kind of blew that.” He groaned.

Jeremy looked hurt, but didn’t argue. “Well,” He began, taking a deep breath. “I want to help you if I can. However I can.” He looked up at Michael with those _puppy dog eyes_. He swallowed.

“Okay. But I don’t really know how you can do that, you know. I mean, unless you have the secret to a time machine. In which case, not cool that you’re keeping that from me bro.” Michael crossed his arms, giving a half assed smile. Something had to break this tension.

“I wish. I did a lot of things these past couple months I wish I could just go back and change… including everything I did to you Michael. I know I’ve said it before but I’m so sorry… I know knowing probably wouldn’t have changed anything but… Well,” He shrugged. “The party must have been awful. I’m sorry.”

“You’re lucky you’re my best friend,” Michael smiled all the way this time, “Because even though I’m not going to stop being mad for a while, I forgive you. Thanks for staying last night too. I probably would’ve done something stupid if you weren’t here. Stupider than drinking half a bottle of toxic waste, I mean.”

Jeremy laughed a little, he felt a little more relaxed now. “Hey, let’s go to the mall today. We can get chili fries, my treat. And we can like actually catch up and stuff. Like, I don’t mean to be rude but your whole room smells like booze and it’s giving me a headache. And I didn’t even drink it!”

Michael rubbed his head. “Chili fries sounds pretty good right now. I’ll worry about sanitizing this place when we get back.”

…

Michael’s hangover slowly subsided over a liter of water- not usually his drink of preference, and nibbling at a triple order of supreme chili fries with his friend. He was honestly enjoying the calm atmosphere. Nobody was at the mall this early, especially not on a Saturday morning when they could be sleeping in.

“So Christine and I went on that date right after we got out of the hospital from the play,” Michael had somewhat zoned out what Jeremy had been saying. “And she said that she’s not really into dating right now. She wants to be friends but with everything that happened with Jake and the Squip,”

“I’m sorry Jeremy,” Michael frowned. “That really sucks after everything,”

“No! I mean, it does but I also get it. Like, I didn’t really know Christine that well, I just thought she was really pretty and what not… but I didn’t like _know_ her. And after everything that happened with the Squip I kinda think she’s right. I guess it’s a little disappointing, but I’m also relieved.”

“Relieved?” Michael raised a brow, lazily biting another chili fry, zoned out on watching Jake at Sbarro’s debating over whether or not there was a loyal and injured customer discount he could get for breaking both of his legs in a freak fire accident. Michael pushed the thoughts of the fire from his head, focusing back on Jeremy.

“Yeah. It gave me time to think about things. Like, last night, what you said… I had all that time to sit there and think about it and-“

Michael’s face drained of all color as his brain recalled the memory to mind. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Jeremy was going to turn him down right now and he was going to have to apologize for having a gay crush on his best friend and deal with that level of rejection and somehow not cry in public and-

“I realized I like you a lot. I guess I never really thought about it before, and I probably couldn’t have realized it at a worse time. But you’re my best friend, we’ve always done everything together, and like you’re super cute and awesome. I guess I just never thought about it…” Jeremy was repeating things, but Michael didn’t care. In fact his brain felt like it was broken, at the moment. 

“What?”

“I like you. Are you okay Michael, you look kinda pale…” Jeremy looked across the table, concerned.

“You don’t like me. You’re my straight best friend. You like Christine.” Michael blinked, trying to wrap his head around those three words. ‘I like you’ no. That was definitely impossible.

“I’m not straight. I’ve had a crush on Keanu Reeves since I was like ten.” Jeremy cocked his head. “Michael?”

“What- I thought you just- I thought he was like your hero or something, not that you had a big fat gay crush on him- oh my god-“ Michael stopped as he felt something soft press against his cheek. Soft and warm. Jeremy was leaning over the table- Jeremy kissed him.

“Dude.”

“Dude.” Jeremy smiled back at Michael, who was blushing furiously. “I get it if you need time to think and you don’t want to do anything with it, especially right now. I just wanted to tell you. It’s okay, you don’t need to freak out.”

“You’re telling me that?” Michael covered his face, a ridiculous grin spread across it, “You, Jeremy Heere, the man with no chill ever, are telling me to not freak out. I think I’m like- well past that.” 

“Are you going to be okay?” Jeremy asked, getting a little worried again, unable to read his friend’s expression from behind his hands.

“I want to be boyfriends. It’s like- all I’ve ever wanted. And- you aren’t mad, you don’t think I’m disgusting or slutty and… Oh man Jeremy, I can’t think straight.” 

“Because you’re gay.” Jeremy teased, before taking one of Michael’s hands away from his face. “But really, if you’re willing to date this hot mess, I’d like to take you up on that offer, dude.” He gave Michael’s hand a soft squeeze before lacing their fingers together. “Can I kiss you for real this time?”

Michael nodded vigorously. Jeremy leaned over the table, capturing his lips in a kiss that could be best described as- pretty alright coming from a high school boy.

“Bros.” Jake was standing a few feet away on his crutches with his Sbarro tray in hand, “That is like the most heartwarming thing I have like _ever_ seen. I wish Rich and I were that close.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, but it’s about exactly as much as I wanted to include in this next part. Are you guys ready to go back to angst land now?


	3. Chapter 3

Michael stood in front of the mirror, checking his outfit for any imperfections. Tonight was _the night_ he and Jeremy had been dating for a couple months now and everything was starting to really get better. They hadn’t gone any further than some chaste kisses here and there and hand holding, but Michael felt he was ready, if Jeremy was, to go further. He wanted to prove to himself. He was finally over everything, and with Jeremy’s help he’d made it there. Where better to do that than Rich’s New Year’s party? A party and sex, if he could do this, he could do anything.

“You got this.” Michael said, putting his hands on his hips. He wore that tight black Atari t-shirt Jeremy loved, and dark jeans with his red converse. He was starting to get the hang of this whole popular kid fashion thing. From what he’d figured out the main deal was just wearing what you wore with confidence, like nobody cared how you dressed. And so far, that had worked.

Carefully he slipped two condoms in his back pocket- an extra just in case something happened. You can never be too prepared, just underprepared. Right?

He drove to pick Jeremy up, promising Mr. Heere he’d make sure there weren’t any catastrophes, like another house fire or something, and that he’d look after Jeremy. The guy had no idea it’d probably be the other way around. Still, Michael was steeling himself up for the night. He was determined to have _fun_ and not _freak_. 

Jeremy hopped into the car, buckling up and looking over at Michael. “You sure you want to go tonight? We can always hit up the next party,” 

“I refuse to miss out on anymore shindigs with your new cool friends Jeremy. I need to network.” Michael tapped the steering wheel, before slowly pulling out of the driveway.

“They’re not just my friends.” Jeremy let out a small laugh, “And since when do you network?”

“Gotta get my college cred up man. Work up a resume or something. I don’t know how any of this works.” Michael shrugged. “I just want to have a fun night with my friends and celebrate the start of a new and hopefully better year.” He smiled over at Jeremy, who was smiling back at him. He was wearing a baby blue tuxedo t-shirt. What a nerd. His nerd. “Anyways, Rich. never gets to have parties at his house. It’s a big deal his dad is out of town at the casino this weekend, isn’t it?”

Jeremy nodded, “Yeah, you’re right. I just wanted to make sure is all. I’m excited.” He took a deep breath, glancing over at Michael as he drove. He looked great. Confident, happy, hot. Jeremy was just happy his friend was feeling better tonight.

They arrived to the party about twenty minutes late- late enough to be cool, but not too late that it was rude. Rich answered the door, already covered in strings of shiny tinsel and confetti, a gold cardboard top hat emblazoned with the new year on it.

“Guys! You’re here! I was worried you weren’t showing up.” Rich grinned, noticing the boys staring at his confetti-covered self. “Someone set off one of the confetti cannons early. Don’t worry, we’ve got way more where that came from. Fireworks too.”

“Maybe we should stay away from fire tonight, Rich?” Jake asked, placing a hand on his shorter friend’s shoulder from behind. “Hey guys, let’s get partying! Everyone else is already here.”

Michael felt his stomach do a flip as he heard blaring techno. He realized he’d zoned out and everyone was staring at him. “Oh, uh, great music. Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s my brother’s fave mix. He’s here to, somewhere. We’re just both so glad Dad’s out of the house. Freedom!” Rich shouted, pumping his fists into the air, nearly taking out Jake, who stepped back just in time. “Let’s go!”

Jeremy took Michael’s hand, leading him into the party crowd. Everyone he’d ever seen in his school under the age of thirty was there. There was even one of the student teachers, flirting with one of the guys on the football team. Gross.

“Wow. It’s uh, crowded. We should get some drinks. Or like, find out where they are.” Michael suggested, looking around. Brooke waved at them. Michael waved back.

“Yeah, they’re probably in the garage or something. Uh, is beer okay? I’ll grab you something else if they have anything-“

“No, beer’s fine. I’m good dude. Promise.” Michael may have come off as a little over-eager to switch topics, but Jeremy let it go and wandered to the garage for drinks, leaving Michael alone.

“Hey, Headphones, my man!” Rich came up to him, offering a beer. Michael internally laughed, now he’d have two. 

“Hey Rich.” He smiled, taking a drink. It tasted _awful_. 

“You still need my room tonight for your big move? I stocked up the lube and condoms in my top drawer so you should have everything you need for a good time.” Rich winked, smirking. “If you’re still up for that,”

Michael blushed, half regretting he’d told Rich about his plan to finally make a move tonight, but also eternally grateful his friend was so great. “Yeah, uh, probably later tonight though, if that’s cool.” 

“You got it, stud.” Rich said, giving him the finger guns and walking away. Michael blushed a bit, but the friendly, albeit awkward interaction set him a little more at ease. Jeremy came back with beers a couple minutes later and they found a spot near the cheese and cracker tray to hang out. 

Michael was doing pretty okay, just mildly climbing the steps to a full blown anxiety attack every time someone brushed up against him, but Jeremy was keeping him as grounded as he could be. Just looking at him helped him keep that calm. After a few beers Michael was tipsy and confident enough to walk off on his own to ask Rich for the key to his room. On his way there he ran into a girl pushing a guy off of her from where they were making out against the wall. She looked pissed, and seeing Michael made the guy skitter off. 

“You okay?” Michael asked, trying to hide how panicked just seeing the situation had made him. 

“Yeah, thanks.” The girl smiled at him, “He was just getting a little handsy and I let him know I’m not into it.” 

“G-great. I’m glad you’re okay.” Michael said, nodding, quickly turning and finding Rich. 

It took him a whole ten minutes, which was probably making Jeremy anxious, but he finally found Rich. “Uh hey, could I get that key right about now?” Michael honestly needed to get away from everyone _now_ , and thank god Rich was handing him the key. “Thanks,”

“No prob, just clean up after yourself!” Rich called after Michael, who’d already vanished back the way he’d came. He managed to make it to Jeremy, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him to Rich’s room, shutting the door behind him. Jeremy had been asking him questions, but Michael hadn’t been paying attention.

“Michael? Are you okay?” Jeremy asked, blinking. He was confused. Why did Michael have Rich’s room key and what were they doing in his room?

“I-I just need a minute. Sorry, I’m stupid.” Michael sunk to his knees, trying to catch his breath. Don’t cry. Do not cry.

Jeremy dropped his beer bottle on the wood floor, quickly getting down on the floor with him, pulling Michael close, “Michael, if you need to go we can. It’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself.”

“No! I want to stay Jeremy!” Michael flinched at his own raised voice, realizing he was being to harsh, “I’m sorry, I just… I want to get over it. Here, tonight. I’m done being afraid. Anyways I was doing fine until I saw some guy trying to get all over this girl. She stopped him, and I made sure she was alright.” Michael took a deep breath, calming down. This was ridiculous, he didn’t need to be afraid, Jeremy was right there.

Jeremy looked still held Michael close. “It’s okay.”

“It’s better with you here.” Michael mumbled into his friend’s chest. 

He took fifteen minutes or so before he was fully calm again. That’s when he pulled away from Jeremy sitting across from him, “So, uh, I didn’t actually bring you in here to freak out. I uh… I wanted to have a fun time with you tonight… and I know I’ve been weird, but if you’re ready I think I am too.” He looked up at Jeremy to judge his reaction. Blushing, but not the bad kind.

“You’re sure you really want to- well, make out or?” Jeremy wasn’t exactly positive what activities Michael was getting at until he pulled a condom out of his back pocket, holding it out to Jeremy. 

“There’s lube in the top drawer by Rich’s bed too.” Michael shrugged, trying to play off his nervousness for eagerness.

“Whoah.” Jeremy held the condom in his hands, looking over at the dresser. “You really planned this out?” 

Jeremy didn’t want to do this. Fuck. Shit, he really hadn’t though that would be his problem tonight, “Yeah, uh, it’s no big deal if you don’t want to though I mean-“

“No. I, uh, want to. Not uhm, _this_ right this second. Your first time is supposed to be kind of romantic, right?” 

Michael nodded, biting his lip. 

“So, let’s take it slow first. I mean, if Rich let you have the key to his room… we have all night, right?” Jeremy fidgeted with the condom. “Am I supposed to wear this- or?”

Michael sighed in relief. He’d been worried. “We don’t have to use it right now. And, I’ll bottom, you don’t have to worry about that.” He gave a small chuckle. Jeremy looked relieved. Michael leaned forward, pulling Jeremy’s shirt over his head, and beginning to kiss his neck and downward. Jeremy's cheeks burned.

Michael shivered as Jeremy pulled him up to run his own hands under his shirt, locking his lips in a deep kiss. Michael’s focus was all on Jeremy now. He just let everything happen, palming his lap, careful to listen to the sound of Jeremys moans. He was getting all hot and bothered now too. 

Michael yelped in surprise as Jeremy pulled him down on top of him. Quickly Michael rearranged himself so he was straddling the skinny teen. “...Do you want to?”

Jeremy nodded, struggling with his pants as Michael shifted to grab the condom again. He ripped it open and helped Jeremy put it on. His heart was racing. He wanted this so badly now. He pulled his own pants off, blushing as he set the boxers and jeans aside. He was still in his t-shirt, but Jeremy didn’t press him to take it off, which made him feel a bit more comfortable.

Michael grabbed the lube, still hovering over Jeremy and coating his fingers in it. Jeremy watched him intently, eyes glazed over with lust. Michael gasped a little as he reached behind himself to prepare himself a little better. Jeremy took the lube to make sure he too, was slick enough for Michael. Finally Michael hovered over Jeremy, slowly lowering himself onto him. Jeremy’s hands gently guided him.

It was then Michael froze up. Everything hit him at once. The music, the setting, the feeling. It wasn’t bad- not with Jeremy- but he couldn’t… Defiantly Michael began to move his hips. He was going to get over it. Now.

Jeremy moaned loudly, closing his eyes. That was until he felt Michael shaking. Quickly he opened his eyes, sitting up a little so he could put a hand on Michael’s cheek. His eyes were closed tightly, as if trying to power through.

“Michael.” Jeremy looked into his friend’s eyes as he slowly opened them. They were glassy. “Let’s just stop here for tonight. I’m getting kinda tired.” 

“But-“ Michael took a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I thought I was ready…” He looked down. 

“It was great. But it’ll be even better later, not in Rich’s bedroom on his floor, right?” Jeremy gently lifted Michael’s chin. The teen nodded somberly. Slowly they untangled and both put boxers on after cleaning up a little.

Jeremy held Micheal against him on the floor, letting him bury his face into his chest. “It’s okay, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed. “Thank you, Jeremy.” He closed his eyes, staring to relax again. “Everything’s just… so similar. It smells and tastes like beer, it’s loud… the music sounds so much like that night. It’s too much all at once.”

“That’s okay. I mean, going from kissing to sex was probably too big of a leap anyways.” Jeremy said, running a hand through Michael’s curls.

“Yeah. Yeah you’re probably right about that.” Michael laughed a little. He felt better again. “Michael Mell’s grand plans, dashed.”

“I’ll take a rain check. Anyways, isn’t drunk sex supposed to be like…. not as good?”

“I’m definitely drunk.” Michael nodded. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy laughed. “I had like- six beers? We’ve been here for like two hours?”

“That’s it?” Michael sat up. Jeremy pulled him back down. 

“Yeah, but I’m tired. We can go to the next big party and party harder.”

“It’s way too early to go to bed.” Michael groaned, though his body agreed, slumping against Jeremy. 

“Nah.”

Michael fell asleep soon after Jeremy spoke, the mental exhaustion channeling itself into physical exhaustion. He slept like a rock through the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Michael shifted, feeling chilly. His back twinged from falling asleep on Rich’s hardwood floor. Bad idea. His foggy mind began to clear as he felt something- good. Softly, he moaned, shivering a bit. Was that Jeremy? Michael’s eyelids fluttered open, looking up to see who was looming over him, hand down his boxers. 

Michael wasn’t prepared for what he saw. He felt like he wanted to scream, but when he tried to it came out as a choked whisper. He tried to push himself away from Bryce, but Bryce’s grip on him tightened.

“Hey Michael. Don’t freak. You really get around, huh?” Bryce leaned down, whispering in his ear. He pulled him right back to where he was. Fuck wood floors, why were they so slippery?

“Bryce- w-what the fuck, get your hands off of me-“ Michael hissed, noticing Jeremy was still snoring away on the floor next to him. Michael didn’t want him to wake up, didn’t want him to see him like _this_.

“Quiet. You don’t want to wake up your boyfriend, do you Mikey? Why’d you ghost me, Michael? We had fun that night.” Bryce began to jerk him faster making Michael whine softly. Michael closed his eyes, trying to shut out the situation. “Did you really think you wouldn’t see me at my little brother’s party?”

“Your- ah,” Michael balled up his fists. Bryce was right, the last thing he wanted was Jeremy to wake up and see him like this. “Wait- you’re Rich’s older brother?” He choked.

“Mhm.” Bryce began to remove Michael’s boxers, reaching over beside him for something. “Answer my question.”

“Fuck you,” Michael tensed, but when he felt something hard and cold, was it glass?, pressing against his entrance he jerked up.

“Stop-!” He flinched as he saw Jeremy stir in the corner of his vision. Please don’t wake up, god please just don’t wake up. If he could just get Bryce to _leave_ and for this to be _over_ Jeremy would never have to know. Jeremy stopped moving again. Good. Michael’s legs were shaking, “I don’t want to have sex with you, Bryce, I-I never did. Leave me alone, please.”

“Well luckily this isn’t _me_.” Bryce pushed Michael back by his neck, squeezing as he shoved the neck of the beer bottle into Michael. If he hadn’t been actively being choked he would have screamed, his eyes watered. 

“Hel-” Michael’s windpipe was restricted, causing him to choke midway through the word. He frantically looked over at Jeremy. He reached out for Jeremy, but realized that in the way he was positioned, Jeremy was just out of reach. Clawing at Bryce’s arm was the best he could do.

“Slut.” Bryce scoffed, unfazed by Michael’s struggle, beginning to thrust the bottle in and out of him. 

The lip of the bottle was chipped. Michael cried silently, gasping for air. Holy shit, he couldn’t believe this was happening. How was this- how did this-? He heard a loud bang, like something had been slammed against a wall. His head was flooded with pain when suddenly Bryce let go of his neck. How long had he been-? Michael looked over, hearing a shout.

“Bryce! What the _fuck_ are you doing to my friend?!” Michael saw Rich through his spotty vision. He looked pissed.

“Mikey and I are just having some fun, right?” He looked back to Michael with a glare. Michael held his neck, shaking as he shifted away from Bryce and his gaze.

“Get the fuck out! I’m calling the cops!” Rich shouted at his brother, standing in the doorway, shaking with anger.

Michael curled up on the floor as Bryce got up, and quickly pushed past Rich, who followed him to make sure he left. 

Jeremy had woken up when Rich slammed the door open, shocked and confused by everything that had just suddenly happened. When he looked over at Michael he saw the bloody beer bottle on the ground and his boyfriend, shaking violently. He was hyperventilating. Jeremy quickly grabbed his cell phone out of his pants and called for an ambulance, bringing Michael into his arms. He was freaking out so bad Jeremy wasn’t even sure he knew the ambulance was coming. 

The rest of the morning was a blur. 

Rich had texted Jeremy his brother had been arrested, and Jeremy had been forced to wait in the waiting room while the cops tried to question Michael in his hospital room. It’d been several hours. Michael’s parent’s were there. His own dad was there. Everyone wanted to know everything from him, but Jeremy kept his mouth shut. He knew Michael would tell them what he needed to. 

Jeremy sniffled, holding himself a little. Michael had probably just woken up from whatever surgery thing they’d given him to stick everything back up so it’d head faster. Jeremy had been freaked out when he overheard the Mells talking about it with the doctor. Why were the cops in there _now_? He felt his dad’s hand gently rest on his shoulder. 

“Jeremy, Michael’s awake now.” He said, looking at his son. “The police are done questioning him. He said he wanted to talk to you.”

Jeremy nodded, shakily standing up. He picked up the large teddy bear beside him. It held a “Get Well Soon” heart in its paws. “Okay.”

Jeremy walked into the room, wiping his eyes as he looked up at Michael, laying in the hospital bed. He walked over slowly, handing over the bear.

Michael gave him a smile. Jeremy could tell he was still high and could probably hardly see him without his glasses on. “Thanks,” Michael hugged it weakly. 

“How you holding up?” Jeremy asked softly, sitting down on the chair beside his bed. He reached out to hold Michael’s hand. Michael gave it a lame squeeze.

“On these drugs, grrreaat.” He laughed, wincing. “Mostly.” 

“Rich’s brother was arrested a couple hours ago… Rich says it looks like he’s not going to be able to get a plea bargain or anything. I guess he already had a couple minor offenses or something.” He rubbed the back of Michael’s hand with his thumb.

Michael huffed, “Good.” He looked away, “My parents were saying something about therapy and shit. I- I’m kinda glad…”

“Shh, you need to rest, Michael.” Jeremy smiled a little, kissing his hand. “I’m glad you’re getting a therapist. It’ll help.” Michael nodded. 

Jeremy was just so relieved Michael was okay. In the waiting room he’d been on edge for hours waiting for some news that he didn’t have to strain to hear from whispering adults. Jeremy took a deep breath, before he let out a broken sob. He put a hand over his mouth, trying to restrain his emotion. Michael looked up, surprised.

“Sorry, sorry. I just- I was scared. I’m so glad you’re okay.” Jeremy held Michael’s hand tightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t wake up sooner- I-“ 

“Hey. Hey, Jer.” Michael gave him a look, doing his best to keep his gaze focused. Jeremy looked back at him. “I accept this stuffed creature as an apology for all of the times you’re going to apologize.” 

“It’s a bear.” Jeremy laughed a little, wiping his face. “Sorry. I’ll stop saying sorry.”

“Good. Because it’s not your fault, and like the nurse said it’s not my fault like at least fifty times. I’m done with the whole blame game thing. I can’t keep track of what everyone’s trying to tell me one minute to the next. I just wanted you here.” 

Jeremy smiled, nodding, “Got it. I won’t move.”

“Unless you have to go to the bathroom or something. You should probably get up to do stuff like that.” 

“Michael, I got it.” Jeremy laughed. He scooted closer to Michael and rested his head on Michael’s chest. “I love you so much…”

“I love you too.” Michael said, closing his eyes, looking content. “I’m gonna get over this. I’m going to go to therapy, and we’re gonna make out and have sex eventually-“

“Michael, you know I don’t care about that. We’re gonna take this way slower. You’re going to get better at _your_ pace.”

Michael groaned, “Ugh. You’re right again, I can’t believe my nerdy supercomputer-eating boyfriend is right again.” 

Jeremy shook his head, kissing Michael’s forehead. “Go back to sleep. You’re high.”

“I sure am. And I love you Jeremy Heere.” 

“I love you too, Michael. Now sleep.” 

“Fine. Make sure my parents aren’t freaking out. I’m fine.”

“I know. I’ll take care of it.” Jeremy nodded.

“Thanks.”

Jeremy ran his fingers through Michael’s sweaty locks, watching him drift back off. He was relieved his friend was okay. Everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end


End file.
